Children read the event off your face. This guide sets out what to say at each age, which well-meant sentences backfire, and when to ask for specialist help.
Guide 12 min read Print-ready CC BY-NC 4.0
Content note. This page includes example sentences about death, loss and injury. If your own loss is recent, reading may be hard; stopping is a reasonable choice. In an emergency, call 112.
Before you start
Small children cannot grasp what an earthquake is, but they read the tremor in a caregiver's voice, the tightness in their face and the silence in the house with complete accuracy. So the first step is not talking to the child — it is slowing your own breathing before you do. You do not have to appear calm. You have to be predictable.
When adults say nothing so the child "won't worry", the child still collects information: through a half-open door, from a neighbour, from a television left on. They fill the gaps with their imagination, and a child's imagination is usually more frightening than the truth. A plain, accurate, age-appropriate account is always safer than an invented silence.
Children digest information in fragments, not in one sitting. Asking the same question a fifth time does not mean they did not hear you; it means they are testing whether the answer is still safe. Answering with the same calm and, where you can, the same words makes the repetition itself soothing.
Method
Open it yourself; do not wait to be asked. A child who does not ask is often not incurious but protecting you.
Step 1 · Ground
Not bedtime; a point in the day when they are neither hungry nor exhausted. Sitting alongside rather than face to face lowers the pressure on younger children — which is why car journeys, drying dishes and walks work so well.
Step 2 · Find out
Start with "What have you heard?" That gives you the chance to correct what is wrong and saves you from loading on detail they never needed. You do not have to tell a child more than they already carry.
Step 3 · Name it
"You look frightened, and that makes complete sense" works far better than "there's nothing to be afraid of". The second sentence teaches a child both that their fear is wrong and that they should not bring it to you.
Step 4 · Concrete safety
You cannot say "it won't happen again" — and if you do, the next aftershock spends your credibility. Describe the plan instead: "If it shakes, we get under the table, then we meet by the door." What settles a child is not the end of uncertainty but knowing what to do.
By age
Almost all of the reactions below are ordinary and ease over weeks. The age bands are not firm; if your child behaves like a younger group, that too is a common post-disaster regression.
0–2 years · babies and toddlers
You may see: More crying, distress at being put down, disrupted sleep and feeding, loss of recently gained skills.
What helps: Not explanation but contact and repetition. Keep sleep and meals at the same hours as far as you can, sing the same lullaby, carry them. At this age there is no "telling" — only safety delivered through the body.
3–5 years · preschool
You may see: Bedwetting, thumb-sucking, clinginess, playing the earthquake out over and over, fear of the dark and of sleeping alone.
What helps: This age thinks magically and may conclude "it happened because I was naughty". Say it plainly: "An earthquake is not something anybody does. None of this is your fault." Do not stop the repeated play — that is how it is digested.
6–11 years · school age
You may see: Stomach aches and headaches, refusing school, trouble concentrating, difficulty falling asleep, either endless questions or complete silence, sudden anger at you or a sibling.
What helps: Information settles this age. Explain plate movement simply, do the household preparation together, pack the kit together. A child given responsibility feels markedly less helpless.
12–18 years · adolescents
You may see: Withdrawal, scrolling disaster footage for hours, risk-taking wrapped in "nothing will happen to me", a reversed sleep pattern, falling grades, intense attachment to the peer group.
What helps: Do not force conversation; leave the door open and stay nearby. Rather than banning the feed outright, set limits together. Taking on volunteer work — handing out water, looking after younger children — is one of the strongest recovery tools at this age.
Language
Every sentence on the left is well meant. The problem is not the intention but what it teaches: that the feeling must be hidden, or that a promise can be made which cannot be kept.
Avoid"There's nothing to be scared of."
Instead"It makes sense that you're scared. I was too. We're here now, and we're safe."
Dismissing the feeling teaches the child not to bring it to you.
Avoid"It will never happen again."
Instead"There may be smaller shakes. If there are, we know what to do and we'll do it together."
A promise you cannot keep is spent at the first aftershock.
Avoid"Don't cry, you're a big boy now."
Instead"You can cry as much as you need. I'm sitting right here."
Crying is how the nervous system discharges; cut it off and the load grows.
Avoid"He's gone to sleep / he's gone on a long journey."
Instead"He died. That means his body stopped working and he won't come back. We will miss him very much."
Euphemisms turn into a fear of sleep and of journeys in young children.
Avoid"We have bigger problems than you right now."
Instead"I have to finish this. In ten minutes I'm all yours." — then actually be.
A short promise that is kept beats a long, vague one.
Avoid"We're luckier than them, be grateful."
Instead"We're sad for them too. Your sadness is real as well; both can be true at once."
Comparison teaches a child to be ashamed of their own pain.
Hard questions
Reassure without lying: "Everyone dies one day, but usually when they are very old. Right now we are safe, our building has been checked, and I am here." Do not claim to know what you do not know; list the concrete safety steps you do know.
Say that an earthquake is a physical event and nobody's punishment. If your family holds a faith you can draw on it, but stay away from narratives of punishment: guilt lingers in a child far longer than fear.
If you do not know, say so; uncertainty does less damage than a lie. "I don't know. The day I find out, you'll be the first person I tell" — then keep that promise. Keeping it matters more than the news itself.
Do not delay news of a death and let them hear it from someone else. Give it in one short, clear sentence, then stop and wait for their reaction. Add detail only as they ask for it. Your own tears do not harm a child in this conversation; they show that crying is allowed.
Daily life
The same mealtime and the same bedtime, even in a tent. Routine tells a child without words that the world is still predictable.
Watching destruction on repeat makes a young child believe it is happening again. Follow the news after they are asleep.
Carrying water, reading the list, looking after a sibling. Age-appropriate responsibility directly reduces helplessness.
Blocks that fall and houses rebuilt are a child's therapy. Do not interpret or direct it; sit beside them.
When to seek help
In the first weeks these signs are ordinary and usually ease on their own. Their persistence, or a child's daily life coming to a halt, is reason enough for a specialist assessment. There is no need to wait.
In these situations, contact your child's family doctor, a child and adolescent mental health professional or the nearest hospital. If there is an immediate risk, call 112 without waiting.
Printable summary
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Emergency: 112 · Police: 155 · Civil Defence: 101
Use
Creative Commons BY-NC 4.0: with attribution, you may print, distribute and adapt this for non-commercial use. If you need a bulk print run or an adaptation for a school, nursery or health centre, write to us and we will prepare it with you.
References
The age-band reactions and recommended approaches are adapted from the field guides below. The example sentences were adapted by TAK-DER for everyday Turkish and English use and are not literal translations of the source texts.
Links go to the publisher; last accessed 11 September 2026. If you spot an error in a citation, tell us and we will correct it.
